Christopher Hamilton

In life we make decisions every day. Most of those are small, uncomplicated decisions taking up nothing more than a few seconds of our day. What should I have for dinner? Should I have another beer, or just go home? What should I wear today? Simple, easily answered choices.

What happens when you realise there is a larger decision looming in your horizon? One that can’t be quickly dismissed in moments, but takes a great deal of thought, and consideration. One that can quite literally change your life. Those moments don’t come along very often, and when they do, the way you manage the thought process matters more than the actual decision. Usually, that process shows you that there is no real decision, and that you already know what you are going to do. The process is simply a means to work through the fear or doubt involved in the consequences of your decision.

These more intense decisions usually involve a departure from your comfort zone, and reaching into new territory. Whether it’s a work, relationship, lifestyle, or locational transition, they all bring that same feeling. They all make you question yourself and introduce doubts into your mind. Do I really want this? Am I making a mistake? What will I do if I’m wrong? The thought process of these decisions determines whether you’re ready to confront the choice you want to make. It becomes a problem though, when you know the choice you need to make but let those doubts control you. You, in essence, are allowing your fear to make the choice for you. Some people are happy to do that, to carry on day after day, avoiding the difficult decisions. Playing things safely becomes a viable option, even when you know it shouldn’t be.

I may seem a little melodramatic at the moment, but I’m working through a decision of my own. One that I’ve been thinking through for some time. One that in the grand scheme of things isn’t a big deal, but could make a very significant change in my life. One that revolves around my career.

I’m considering turning my back completely on the IT world, and a job I’m very good at, but can’t remember the last time it made me happy. It’s something I’ve done my entire adult life, meaning I have over 10 years invested in it. The main problem I have, is that I know what I would like to do, but the fear of not being good enough has been holding me back. It’s a completely stupid fear, because it’s not like I need to give up my day job in order to pursue this new career.

I know that the fear stems from the fact that if I’m not good enough, what do I do next? Does that mean I’m stuck in the IT world, with no other options? No it doesn’t, but it would certainly add to the doubts that it’s the only thing I’m good at.

IT has been very good to me over the years. It’s gotten me into some great places, and helped me live very comfortably for most of my time backpacking around Australia. It’s introduced me to some great people, most of whom I’m still really good friends with, but I’m done with the industry. I’m tired of the constant bullshit, and the fact that I only ever hear from people with computer problems. It can be a damn depressing job. There’s nothing quite like having people who don’t understand the technology complain it’s not working properly. Every.Single.Day.

This post has been my process. I’ve been contemplating this decision for a long time, and all it took for me to realise I had already made it, was sitting down and writing it out. It had been internalised for far too long, and was beginning to make those doubts louder and more insistent. Now that it’s been confronted in an open forum, it’s easier to move forwards.

So what do I aim to do with my life in place of my IT career. I plan to write. It’s not something that will happen over night, but over the next year, I hope to be able to develop my writing ability and get a few freelance jobs, and hopefully some things published. Then make enough money from it that eventually it will be my main source of income. At which point I can say goodbye to IT and happily walk away. It’s a very rough plan at the moment obviously, but it’s a starting point. A journey begins with the first step, and I’ve just taken mine.

That means a few things, especially for this site. I’ll no longer be posting the usual garbage I have been. There may be the odd snippet of randomness, but I want to grow the site, and post content I’m proud to have here. I want it to become a focal point of my writing, and a place I can happily say most of my best work can be found. At the moment, there is so little decent content on here that I’m amazed there are any readers whatsoever. So to those that are reading this, thank you for stopping by, and I hope that I can produce some decent content that you enjoy reading in the very near future.